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SBNation.com – All Posts: The Jaguars new stadium looks like the USS Enterprise and a sex toy had a baby


Boldly going where no one has gone before.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are looking to boldly go where no team has gone before with renderings of their proposed new stadium.

The best is yet to come in Jacksonville. Take an exclusive first look at our vision for the Stadium of the Future.#DUUUVAL

— Jacksonville Jaguars (@Jaguars) June 7, 2023

A literal chrome dome, this futuristic design for new stadium is very reminiscent of The Bean in Chicago, albeit more streamlined for space flight or … other things.

Cloud Gate In Chicago
Photo by Beata Zawrzel/NurPhoto via Getty Images

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t inherently hate the idea of a futuristic design — but I don’t think anyone really thought through the chrome. It looks awesome in design mock-ups, sure, but what happens after 72 hours of this thing existing? The stadium is literally on the waterfront. What is this going to look like covered in seagull poop and fingerprints?

Do they just plan to hose it down every morning with a helicopter used to fight fires? There has to be a cleaning plan for all this, otherwise it’s just going to look like a poop-encrusted fingerprint magnet that fans spew out of at the end of a game.

Coincidentally, “poop-encrusted fingerprint magnet” USED to be an acceptable nickname for the Jaguars, but they’re good now! So, leave the past in the past — keep this design, just update the materials.

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